Ahh postpartum. It is supposed to be the happiest time of your life, when you are able to welcome a new sweet little life that has just come into this world. However…this is not the case for many, including me.
I have had a really hard time recently. I had my baby about 5 weeks ago and I can vouch for the sudden hormone shift that has caused havoc in my body. I always thought postpartum blues would look like someone who is constantly crying and irritable, but I realized that though those can be a few symptoms of postpartum, that is not what postpartum looks like for all.
I always knew that postpartum would be difficult and come with its own set of challenges but I thought the challenges I would face most would be getting enough sleep and trying to figure out breastfeeding. Until I went through it myself, I was NOT fully prepared for what it actually feels like. I had an overwhelming sense of love and joy when I saw her but starting day 2 of her birth, I started to feel anxious and terrified. Unfortunately we were stuck in the hospital for a couple days to monitor her jaundice levels. The worst part of it wasn’t being stuck in the hospital, but the fact that the phlebotomist would have to literally poke her in the heel to get the blood. They would have to squeeze her tiny little foot and collect the drops of blood in a little test tube. I am used to seeing lots of blood and procedures from being in the medical field, but I just could not watch this, and they had to come and prick her 3 times!!
Though I was anxious in the hospital, the day we came home was insane. I was happy to be home but was uncontrollably crying for hours and I could not even tell you why besides the fact that I was just overwhelmed and scared.
The main issue for me was this unexpected feeling of loneliness even though I have an extremely supportive husband and my mom being there with me through the first few weeks. I felt like I am navigating this new world alone and even with everyone around, they just could not be me and could not be the ones who would be able to feed her mainly.
The Saving Grace and Embracing the New Normal
I have realized that I am a creature of habit and need a routine in my life or at least a checklist of goals I want to accomplish for the day because let’s face it: a newborn has NO routine. My husband and mom have made this transition so much smoother and I cannot imagine going through this without either of them.
What has helped me is taking the time to enjoy the small victories: whether that be taking a great nap, getting a successful latch, or being able to learn my baby’s cues better. When I wake up in the middle of the night to pump/feed, I make sure to make a quick note of things I want to accomplish the next day. I also take 5 minutes with my husband after our baby is down to talk about what we could do better for the next day to support one another and we take time to reflect on things that went well for the day.
I have realized that postpartum is a journey and I need to take it one day at a time. As much as I miss certain parts of my old life, I am attempting to embrace this new chapter. I know everyone’s journey is extremely different but if I could offer any advice, I would tell new postpartum moms to just give yourself grace and talk to someone who will listen. It’s okay to cry, be overwhelmed, and accept help. I want to use the last weeks of my maternity leave to enjoy the good and bad moments because I know each day I have right now with my baby, I used to wish for and yearn to get back one day.
